Restroom Conversation

So yesterday I was traveling down the interstate to visit family and I needed to use the restroom really bad, so I stopped at a rest area. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying “‘Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, “Doin’ just fine!” So the other guy says “So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? By this point, I’m thinking it’s pretty bizarre that a stranger expects to conversate while taking a dump so I reply “Uhhh I’m probably like you, just traveling?” At this point I’m wanting to get the hell outta there as fast as I can when dude asks another question… “‘Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me. Like, WTF! But I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
“Nah man, I’m a little busy right now!”

Right then, dead silence… then I hear the person say (kinda nervously) “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.”

What is love?

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: - you can go through them only once & cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for better ones, but when later you realise, you have already missed the person ...."*

*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."*

As Soft. . . As Hard

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

Mix Jokes

One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever been to bed with an ugly woman?
The second guy says: No, but I’ve woken up with plenty

A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area & asked for her profession.
Prostitute: I’m a social engineer.
Policeman: What do u do?
Prostitute: I build & destroy erections

Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer doesn’t laugh at a 3½ inch floppy.

A Kiwi farmer was counting his sheeps: “205, 206, 207, hello darling, 209, 210….”

When a man of 60 marries a girl of 21, it’s like buying a book for someone else to read.

The definition of an optimist is a woman who loads up the CD changer before making love.

A French and a Brit gynecologist were chatting.
French: Just last week there was this woman, her cliotris was like a melon.
Brit: That’s a lie, she wouldn’t be able to walk if it was.
French: You Brits always talk about size; I was talking about the taste.

Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week.
Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months.

A female Press Reporter slaps Santa. Banta standing near asks Santa: Y did she slapped u?
Santa: On her T-shirt was written ‘Press’, so I just pressed…

Packs of Condom

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.....

Conversation

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Oh Shit.