My dad has 2 of them

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex education to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."

Do you know Turner Brown

A small guy goes into an elevator and notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down on the small white guy and says, "Seven foot tall, three hundred fifty pounds, twenty-inch dick, three-pound left ball, three-pound right ball, Turner Brown."

The small guy faints!

The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him. He asks the small guy, "What's wrong?"

The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"

The big guy looks down and says "Seven foot tall, three hundred fifty pounds, twenty-inch dick, three- pound left ball, three-pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Thank God, I thought you said, "Turn around."

Halloween Party

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

Divert your course or

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

Quick Blowjob

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.

When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..."

"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."

"I've already said No, and NO!"

"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."

"No! I've said NO!"

"My love... Don't be like that..."

At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder.

Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

Dam(n) Fish

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass those fucking potatoes!"

What I am thinking

Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there

is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is

red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:

These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:

Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking:

Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
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Manmohan is thinking:

If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again!!!

Sent by dear friend,
Nikhil Pagdhare