Gossip

Hey Mom," asked Little Johnny, "Can you give me $20?" "Certainly not."

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what Dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"

"He said, 'Hey Maria, could you make sure I've got clean socks tomorrow?'"

Man in Trouble

A woman was walking down the road. She was wearing a top and a jeans. Her top was short. The zip of her jeans was open.

A man was looking at her. she noticed the man and asked "what is the matter?"
The man looked at her and said " I am in a trouble can you help me?" The girl agrees.
The boy stands, put his arm in hers and takes her to a house nearby.

The house was owned by that man. He takes her in the bedroom and says "I have have a probelem that only you can solve."

He puts his arms around the girls neck and tells her " By seeing your Taj Mahal my Qutub Minar stood up."

Sent by our Friend,
Shivani

Garib Essay

Ek ameer ladki ko school me garib parivar pe essay likhne ko kaha gaya.
Essay me usne Likha:
Ek garib parivar tha,
Pita Garib,
Maa Garib,
Bache Garib.
Parivar me4 Naukar the, wo bhi Gareeb.
Car bi tuti hui SAFARI thi.Unka Garib driver bachon ko tuti car me School chhod K aata tha.
Bachon ke paas purane N95 Mobile the.
Bache hafte me 3 bar Hi Chicken khate the.
Ghar me 4 hi second hand A.C. the.
Sara parivar badi mushkil se aish kar raha tha .

Sent by our Friend
Bushra

Why Parents Go Grey

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello," whispered the child.

Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME."

Moral of the Story

A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories:

Little Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market on the front seat of the pickup truck and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs went flying and broke all over everything."

And what is the moral to that story?"

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Then little Tammy raised her hand and said, "We live on a farm, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs once, but when they hatched, we got only ten live chicks. And the moral to that story is, don't count your chickens before they are hatched."

"That was a fine example, Tammy. Johnny, I believe you had your hand up next."

"Yes Ma'am. My daddy told me that my Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete before the blade broke off. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your daddy tell you was the moral to that terrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

Period

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.

"It's a period," he replied.

"I see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Darned if I know," he said, "but this morning my sister was missing one, and Mommy fainted, Daddy had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the army".

Confession

An elderly man goes into the confessional and tells the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven grandchildren.

Last night I had an affair and made love to two eighteen year old girls. I did it twice with each of them!"

The priest replies, "Well my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So why are you telling me?" Asks the priest.

"Are you kidding," exclaims the old man, "I'm telling everybody!"