Mix Jokes

One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever been to bed with an ugly woman?
The second guy says: No, but I’ve woken up with plenty

A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area & asked for her profession.
Prostitute: I’m a social engineer.
Policeman: What do u do?
Prostitute: I build & destroy erections

Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer doesn’t laugh at a 3½ inch floppy.

A Kiwi farmer was counting his sheeps: “205, 206, 207, hello darling, 209, 210….”

When a man of 60 marries a girl of 21, it’s like buying a book for someone else to read.

The definition of an optimist is a woman who loads up the CD changer before making love.

A French and a Brit gynecologist were chatting.
French: Just last week there was this woman, her cliotris was like a melon.
Brit: That’s a lie, she wouldn’t be able to walk if it was.
French: You Brits always talk about size; I was talking about the taste.

Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week.
Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months.

A female Press Reporter slaps Santa. Banta standing near asks Santa: Y did she slapped u?
Santa: On her T-shirt was written ‘Press’, so I just pressed…