Before I came to university, I wish I had known

...That it didn't matter how my first lecture was, I'd still sleep through it.
...That I could change so much and barely realize it.
...That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
...No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares.
...That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up
...That every clock on campus shows a different time.
...That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn't matter here.
...That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.
...That Chem Labs/Architecture studios take up more time than all my other classes put together.
...That you can know everything and fail a test.
...That you can know nothing and ace a test.
...That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.
...That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.
...That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that's still funny....
...That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
...That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths.
...That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
...That it's possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by friends.

You know you've been in university too long when

...You actually like doing laundry at home where the washing machines work.
...Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
...You'd rather clean than study especially if an essay is due.
..."Oh shit how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.
...Parents' cooking become something you desire, not avoid.
...You schedule your classes around sleep habits and Day-time T.V. especially Neighboring chicks.
...You know the pizza boy by name and don't even need to read the menu.
...You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
...You live for getting mail.
...Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
...Prank phone calls become funny again.
...You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey and general Northern.
...Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
...Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
...Rubbish cheap £1 shops are so cool.
...The weekend lasts from Thursday to Monday.

Why university is like KG

1. You cry to go home.
2. You cross the street without looking for cars.
3. Snack time is a necessity.
4. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do.
5. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
6. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
7. You wear big mittens.
8. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
9. You take naps.
10. You look forward to cheese toasties.

Garib Essay

Ek ameer ladki ko school me garib parivar pe essay likhne ko kaha gaya.
Essay me usne Likha:
Ek garib parivar tha,
Pita Garib,
Maa Garib,
Bache Garib.
Parivar me4 Naukar the, wo bhi Gareeb.
Car bi tuti hui SAFARI thi.Unka Garib driver bachon ko tuti car me School chhod K aata tha.
Bachon ke paas purane N95 Mobile the.
Bache hafte me 3 bar Hi Chicken khate the.
Ghar me 4 hi second hand A.C. the.
Sara parivar badi mushkil se aish kar raha tha .

Sent by our Friend
Bushra

Moral of the Story

A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories:

Little Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market on the front seat of the pickup truck and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs went flying and broke all over everything."

And what is the moral to that story?"

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Then little Tammy raised her hand and said, "We live on a farm, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs once, but when they hatched, we got only ten live chicks. And the moral to that story is, don't count your chickens before they are hatched."

"That was a fine example, Tammy. Johnny, I believe you had your hand up next."

"Yes Ma'am. My daddy told me that my Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete before the blade broke off. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your daddy tell you was the moral to that terrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."